


Shattering

by Omi_Lightbearer



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Drabble, I'm really sorry, M/M, POV Katsuki Yuuri, Post-Episode 11, So much angst, episode 11 broke me, have I apologised already?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 16:12:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8898844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omi_Lightbearer/pseuds/Omi_Lightbearer
Summary: Victor is looking elsewhere, anywhere, at anyone but him. The glowing embers that have kept Yuuri feeling warm and secure for the last twenty-four hours give way to cold dread. (Set after episode 11).





	

Victor is looking elsewhere, anywhere, at anyone but him.   
The glowing embers that have kept Yuuri feeling warm and secure for the last twenty-four hours give way to cold dread. He has been the hero in some wicked fairy tale but the spell is about to come to an end. Victory is slipping through his fingers; and so is Victor Nikiforov. 

The ring has not given him luck; if anything, it makes him feel desperate.

Yuuri has learnt to recognise the little nuances in Victor’s turquoise eyes. He has seen the excitement, the joy, the love in them. Yes, it was difficult to come to terms with the reality of that love, always simmering too close to the surface, at times –more often now– overflowing and enfolding them both like a cosy blanket. But Yuuri knows it’s real, and it makes him a bit dizzy because what has he ever done to deserve something this splendid? And even among the current pangs of anxiety and fear and sadness, his heart is set on Victor. Victor, whose eyes are now sparkling as he watches Yuuri’s friends and rivals glide over the ice. 

It hurts too much but there is only one possible course of action.

He’s taken too much from Victor already. The very least he can do is set him free. Yuuri’s failure will weigh him down, and he’s meant to fly higher. There is still so much Victor can achieve. 

The gold on his finger feels like an attempt to shackle Victor so that he won’t go anywhere. Yuuri wanted to buy those rings more than anything, but now he wonders if it has been a selfish move. He remembers the expression on his coach’s face as he announced he had every intention to marry Yuuri... 

...And do what? Work at the onsen together? Should he have Victor waste away in a little Japanese town, when he could have the world once more? Yuuri can’t, won’t be held responsible for this. He wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt. 

Victor’s face is glowing as he watches Chris’s performance. What is he really thinking? The sinking feeling in Yuuri’s stomach threatens to swallow him whole. His limbs feel numb, as if he were slowly freezing from the inside out. 

By the end of the day, Victor’s kindness stings. Yuuri has messed up badly and it is nearly impossible for him to win the Final, but no reproach comes from the Russian’s lips. He is unfailingly supportive, his advice aimed at making Yuuri feel better and rebuild his confidence. As if that was even possible, considering. It makes Yuuri want to shut his eyes tight and hold on to this man for dear life. But the time for that is over. 

It will only take a few sentences. There is so much he can’t do, so much that he’s failed at and always will but this one thing is within his reach. 

‘When the Final is over, let’s end it.’

The words leave a bitter aftertaste in Yuuri’s mouth, as if he were in the process of signing his own death warrant. If he doesn’t clutch his phone, he will lose his resolve and reach out to touch Victor, to tell him to forget what he has just said and simply stay with him forever. If he doesn’t keep his emotions in check, he will wrap his arms around Victor’s neck and kiss him like he was kissed on the day when they first found out that their feelings were reciprocated. 

There is a noise like shattering glass ringing in Yuuri’s ears. He’s paying for Victor’s freedom with his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to get this out of my system. I -know- there is going to be a happy ending but Yuuri's anxiety was still painful to watch and hence this drabble was born.


End file.
